School Was Not a Fun Time

For some reason, some memories of my time at school surfaced. While most people tend to look fondly to their time at school, I don't. Sure, there have been fun times, but for the most part, it wasn't. What could have been so bad? Bullying, yes, this post is about bullying. 

I Would Do Anything to Make It Stop

There were days when the only thought I had while walking home from school was: I would do anything to make it stop. That thought can mean you'd do anything to be part of the group. Desperately trying to be cool, maybe breaking some rules and possibly getting on the bad side of authorities, all for just maybe, just maybe, being able to be one of the group.

But more often, that thought meant thinking about suicide. Yes, ending your own life just to make it stop. Hell can't be worse than this! There have been days at school, where I was looking at a window and thought how much would it hurt if I hurled myself out of the third floor? How long would I suffer from injuries? Would those injuries feel worse than the bullying? Someone died while falling off the railway bridge in town? Perhaps I can jump down over there!

It's been years, and I don't even remember who did what and when. And to be honest, I don't really want to: it was a miserable time.

You're a Boy, Just Deal with It

Authorities were just not prepared or willing to deal with it. “It's your own fault”, “just ignore them” or “you're a boy, just deal with it”. Speaking with other people that have gotten bullied, they also tell me those statements were given to them as well.

Has that gotten better? Schools claim they did. I'm not convinced.

The Bully Always Says It's a Joke

One day, I snapped and tried to punch a certain bully — he was two heads bigger than I was — yelling in tears I did not care he'd have an easy time knocking me out, but I was angry, and I was definitely going to punch him even if it meant he'd beat daylights out of me.

I might have even blurted out my suicidal thoughts, but I don't remember. All I can remember is he didn't even touch me, instead he just gave me his hand, apologizing. Like always, the bully always says it's a joke. But to me, the one being bullied, it's dead serious! Here he really meant it. Even though I initially refused his apology, he insisted, saying he'd also be fine with beating the daylights out of me if I continued to refuse. I got along with him a lot better after that. He was a chill guy, but with me being a nerdy Asian guy, I wasn't a good fit for his clique, which was the group that was getting in relationship and publicly kissing. And the bullying stopped, at least it did until new people joined class a few years later and somehow decided to target me. Anyway, the bullying completely stopped when my class discovered bullying teachers that don't show competency in teaching is much more fun! Still, school is not a definitely not a time I fondly remember.

Sampling the Internet

There have been some Anime that feature excluded or even bullied people. And what I can see from comments about those Anime, people haven't changed: the majority don't even try to understand the protagonist at all. It's just an awkward character, and whatever action they took in the story, it's perceived as the wrong move, and it's entirely their own fault they acted like that. It's illogical, or too passive, or too violent.

You know what Anime I mean. What you don't see is how those people actually feel. You just blindly join the bullies and claim it's the bullied one's fault. With such comments, you just openly show how much you don't care about bullying.